Hey! It's Just Another Story:-)

She did not remember when she fell asleep. The pillow was wet with tears; the pillow into which she sank her face, every night, trying to shut away the pain. It was so physical, this pain; it felt as if someone or something was twisting her heart. She moved her hand over her chest trying to lessen the pain. She wanted to sleep, fall into a slumber that will take away all the memories, so that in the morning she can wake up with an empty slate for a heart. But life usually was not so kind. It did not let you use an eraser quite so liberally.

Why does it happen sometimes that you are faced with a situation that you have always dreaded? She was not prepared for this, nor was she waiting for it. She was there, whiling away her time away from the noise and chaos, in this sleepy corner of the world. She had not gone out holding her heart on her hand. She had not asked anyone, nor permitted them, to have a peek, discover what they wanted to discover and then pull her along. She was laughing through the labyrinth of life, just as she had promised herself that she would. She could'nt help when a disquieting feeling engulfed her, from time to time. But everytime she rose from that, fighting, gasping, but live and kicking. She had learnt to take care of her emotional needs.

It was then that he came. Like a messiah. She saw a friend, a person who had time for her. Her days took a new turn, waiting for the hands of the clock to reach that position when the phone would ring. She would finish all her work and wait for that time. She would keep everything aside and wait for that voice. She would dread the time when he would say bye. Time would fly. The seconds, minutes and hours would merge into a dream, removed from the reality of time and space. All that mattered was feeling each other intensely across the invisible barriers of the world.

She often wondered, now, why had he come all of a sudden? He of all people, who had the most satisfying and content life, as one can ever hope for? There was no void in his life that needed filling up! Why did he wake her from her slumber, why did he make her want to flow against the tide, why did he say to her, “tell me once, what I want to hear.” Today, every moment she remembers that one single line, that soft oh so soft voice, and all she is left with is her own tears.

They were both burning with the heat of desire, a passion so overpowering that all barriers seem to crumble in its force. It was a ring of fire that beckoned, with mesmerising intensity, even if it meant lives charred for eternity. There was no way either of them could escape it. So, it happened one day. As they came close, fate took over. An insignificant instant from the past, a story of indulgence that left nothing in its path, came between them. Was she trying to be honest? Today, as she looks back, it feels like the hands of God. But she saw that light die in his eyes. As he moved away, she knew she had lost him.

Why was a physical encounter, without love, so important to him? He had loved her, had he not? She had trusted him, had she not? No, he did not go away, which perhaps would have been easier. But he moved away, sheltering himself behind a wall of work, responsibilities, ethics and morality, unreachable, shunning her like dreaded disease.

She complains. He explains. Love is a one-way traffic, if “I love thee what’s that to thee?” He tells her that there should be no expectation. He tells her anything can happen in the future. He tells her that even if nothing exists between them from this moment, can they not live with what they had? All so true, all so sage, all so logical. But she can’t understand such profound thoughts. If all this is true, why did he risk what he had? Was it all a game, played in the spirit of adventure?

Did she deserve this? The question haunts her all the while. She is grateful for these moments they shared. Grateful? Is that the right word? Many years back, someone had said, “love is an illusion.” She had thought, what a cynical idea! Today, it seems true. To be in love with the idea of love. The expectations, the fantasy’s, the waiting and the wanting are somehow more pleasant than reality.

The day he said that he had lost everything, she knew that he meant his family. That day something died within her. The will to flow against the tide.